Welcome to The Leader Freshmen Seminar. We know you freshmen are undergoing a huge transition in your lives, and we’d like to soften the blow by giving you everything you need to know, that your actual freshmen seminar class won’t teach you. Check into theleader.us every Tuesday morning as we continue the freshmen seminar series throughout the semester. Like our Facebook page to stay up-to-date with all things Leader.
Let’s face it. You didn’t come to university because it’s an honors college. You came here because you heard it was a party school, and you’re right (they all are). But with great power hours comes great responsibility. Here’s some quick tips avoid getting hosed.
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1. Sneak in your contraband
It’s best to do this during the day because it looks less suspicious. Stuff your stuff into a backpack and wrap everything in towels to prevent any clinkage when you’re walking into the dorms.
2. Keep your drinking circle small, and trust no one
From my experience, things get sticky when you start fitting in more than four or five people in a dorm room. Things get too loud and the RA will inevitably get called for a noise complaint from that one douchebag down the hall that hates fun. Tell no one of your covert plans, except the ones drinking with you.
3. Put your booze in an inconspicuous container
Put vodka or gin in a water jug, whiskey in an apple juice bottle, and if you’re drinking beer make sure to get cans, not bottles. Bottles are difficult to dispose of and can make noise. I actually got caught one time because the RA heard clanking bottles from outside the door. But you weren’t planning on buying bottles were you, ya cheap skate.
4. Minimize the smell
If you’ve ever been sober around drunk people, you know how easily the smell of alcohol comes off. When you’re drinking it’s not so obvious so it’s important you take a few precautionary measures. Put a damp towel to cover the space beneath the door, open a window, and get a Scentsy or light a candle or something. Basically take all the steps you would for smoking a bowl, just don’t smoke a bowl because that’s about the dumbest thing you could do in a college dorm next to drinking in the dorm.
5. Don’t drink in the dorms
Duh. Don’t you know drinking in the dorms is against the rules!? Find a house party and act like you know everyone there. If anyone asks who you are, just say you know John and then ask where he’s at. If they don’t know a John then say “oh sorry I meant Josh”. Better yet, just introduce yourself with some respect and offer em a beer. People are pretty chill, especially at those parties you know are gonna get busted where everyone is crammed together like intoxicated sardines.
6. Drink responsibly
This isn’t high school. You don’t have to impress your friends by out-drinking them. If they tease you for “babysitting that beer, bro” tell them to fuck off and find some new friends.
Take an e-CHUG to see how much of an alcoholic you are. Also, never get behind the wheel if you’ve been drinking. Your local college police department is undoubtedly one of the best in the state when it comes to processing DUIs, and the blow-machine-thingy is so last year.