It’s a new school year at Fort Hays State University, and what better way to usher in the free-thinking educational experience than with a comprehensive list of rules and regulations that overstep constitutional jurisdiction.
Residential Life student handbooks, complete with a daily planner, are fresh off the printing presses. I picked up a copy and immediately began thumbing through the conduct policy like the troublemaker I am.
I was shocked to find that some of these policies are more than annoying niceties: the conduct policy contains some straight-up fascist, freedom hating policies. The worst part? We all agreed to them.
Chances are, if you signed an on-campus housing contract, you signed up for a lot more than you bargained for. C’mon, who really reads those contractual agreements, am I right? It turns out that you students agreed to comply to these policies, so without further adieu, here’s five new policies that challenge Constitutional Law:
1. Absolute Compliance
For those who are unaware, FHSU Residential Life Policies are nailing students for doing things within their legal rights as a citizen of the United States of America. Administrators have seemingly failed to recognize this, and as a result we are left with policy that demands absolute compliance. That compliance is whipped into the student body through use of sanctions and threatening with loss of on-campus employment, in addition to turning offenders into social media pariahs.
“Students are expected to promptly and respectfully comply with any reasonable request of a university employee, Residential Life staff member, or uniformed response personnel in the completion of their duties.”
That’s right. No back sass, motherfuckers. Toe the party line and keep your mouth shut, unless you have something nice to say.
“Comply with any reasonable request” sounds like a pretty blanketed statement and a purposefully vague and ambiguous agreement to make.
2. Show us your papers
Just like Nazi Germany, residential life students are expected to carry documentation at all times.
“Per university policy, students are expected to carry their FHSU student ID at all times. Tiger ID and/or identifying information must be presented to previously mentioned individuals upon request,” the handbook/agenda reads.
I recommend thumbing to the 4th amendment in the Constitution of the United States. Again, too bad you signed that housing contract.
3. The PC Police
Perhaps the most egregious of policies is the absolute crack down against political speech. Free speech was a pretty big fucking deal back in the day when the founders of America drafted the Constitution. So much, in fact, that they decided to put it first on the list! But now political speech on campus will be limited within the parameters deemed “acceptable” by the administration:
“Anyone observed to be engaging in solicitation activities, including campaigners and salespeople, should be informed that such activity is prohibited and that they must cease immediately,” the agenda reads, “It is against university policy for anyone to… canvas, or otherwise engage in contacting faculty, staff, or students for any purpose not specifically approved in advance by university authorities.”
So in other words, if the school doesn’t approve your free speech – for whatever possible reason – don’t even think about uttering a word. This policy can become dangerous, especially if administration begin placing the University’s brand image above the FHSU student body and the Hays community at large. I can already imagine the implications this will have on student organizations and student press, and it’s not a pretty picture.
The administration has already begun to cut ties with the university’s longstanding traditions and cultural history in favor of a clean-cut, honors college image. They most recently dumped Oktoberfest by banning students from selling student organizational shirts that have the words “Oktoberfest” and “Fort Hays State University” together, because Oktoberfest is a disgusting cultural plight that we can no longer encourage. It’s not like Oktoberfest is a 200+ year old holiday that has been traditionally celebrated by the Volga Germans who built this town.
4. Forced Polygamy
“Guests may stay for no longer than three (3) consecutive days or eight (8) total days per month unless special permission is granted by the hall director.”
In other words, if you prefer to sleep with someone at night, you had now better plan on banging at least three or four people per month to stay within the new code. Commitments are so oppressive.
5. An attack on the LGBTQ community
Trans-gendered people’s restroom rights are also under a seemingly sharp attack.
“Restrooms that are identified for use by a specific sex and are solely used by that sex. Guests must use bathrooms designated for the appropriate sex and must be escorted by their guests to the bathroom door.”
Let’s push back.
If you have violated any of these conduct policies, or face sanctions as a result of the breaking of these rules, we urge you to contact us in order for us to provide you full visibility of your oppression under the premise of free press. With the help of larger watchdog groups like the ACLU and FIRE, we can make our university a better and freer place to live and learn.